Number Five

One’s fifth heart attack may not seem a cause for celebration, but, it is a tremendous affirmation of life. Of course, surviving it leads to greater joy and the ability to join in the festivities more directly than the alternative, but, I would, and was, smiling regardless of the final outcome. And it wasn’t just the morphine, though the nurse at the cardiac unit of the hospital suggested that the transport paramedics had been holding out at 2mls every five minutes and suggested 5mls every two minutes, with a “let’s party” ! I did debate whether dying on Father’s Day is good or bad….I opted for good, in that my sons, who are good young men, don’t dote on me as much as I think they should. This way they would at least remember me one day a year!

Most folk’s simply don’t know they are going to die. Think about it. Unless you have seen the white light or have done the out of body thing, you can try and intellectualize or reason about the inevitable, but, in the end it becomes denial. That is the reality of human nature, that to envision our self as dispirited is impossible and contrary to the generally accepted attitudes and emotions about life. From this two consequences arise. The first is the most basic and reptilian; we can’t understand or reason our own demise, so like all things unknown that affect our physical being, we fear death…some folks with a fear that actually kills them. I would bet that ultimately fear is the true #1 cause of death in most species. The second is more insidious because it allows others to control our lives and seems limited to our species, that is, we invent bizarre scenarios that have us living forever, on earth or elsewhere as the case may be. Add to that the contradiction of folks actually dying around us and next thing you know we need some one to blame and somebody to take responsibility for our misconceptions, oh lord!

Long before this heart attack I garnered a clear understanding of my death. I did the white light and out of body, too. But, mostly I recognized that it certainly didn’t matter a bit if there is or is not a fanciful afterlife, nor did it even matter if I recovered or not. What matters is did I fully appreciate the time I had been given and would I appreciate, as in give greater worth than the initial sum, more time. Within the realities of petulant humanism I could say yes to both those questions. This notion of self worth coupled with relaxed acquiescence, that is accepting how wonderfully blessed I have been, is probably what saved my life, each time. I don’t get frantic, I just laugh and look forward to the ride.

Enough of that!

Some folks have wondered if the pig glands have had something to do with this latest trip. Emphatically, no! In fact, if the tests performed over the last few medical encounters are true, I can say with great certainty that the glands are working quite well. Blood sugars have remained (un-medicated) at near normal levels, around 120-130 fasting glucose, and an ac1 of 6.1. It did spike at 180 during the heart attack which isn’t bad under stress at all. Blood pressure has remained (un-medicated) at 120/75 spiking at 137/92 during the attack. AND a curious and unexpected benefit, my triglycerides, for the first time in my life (whether medicated or in this case un-medicated) are normal!! They have usually (actually always) been so high as to have the lipid test come back un-measurable. My gross cholesterol has always been very good, around 100, except ridiculously low, 18-25 HDL and that hasn’t changed. So! Viva el Puerco!

This is the first MI that I actually had some symptoms, though very minor and easily (not next time!) dismissed. I had a sudden weight gain, nearly 20 lbs in a month. I felt some pain in my left arm, which I presumed was simply muscle pain. Tremendous lethargy and some depression hit me the week before. That was about it.

So what brought this on? Well I’m not sure. The blockage was pretty severe and acute infarction was present in the right ventricle primarily affecting the inferior ventricular wall. Luckily, this was the last unaffected part of my heart. A MI of this magnitude in any of the other three already blotted chambers and it woulda been curtains . Two stents were placed end to end and blood flow was returned to 100%. Another restricted artery was discovered which will require surgery soon but was left while the infarction was dealt with. I suspect the stress of the back injury rupturing a plaque was the culprit. But, I have another possible cause, which will surprise folks.
It might be radiation!

Curiously and with some effectiveness, radiation treatments used to be given for bursitis, some arthritis and other persistent joint and muscle problems even after the advent of steroid usage. It is the same theory of using ionizing radiation to “cook” and breakup cancerous mass. I was going through my bills and I sure was cooked! Three chest x-rays, 2 CT scans of the lower spine, 5 x-rays of the lower spine, in two weeks! That is about 4 or 5 years worth of radiation; if it was all done just right. So just maybe, just maybe, this broke up some plaque that lodged in my little black heart. Or maybe it was the two together stress and radiation. I don’t know. Certainly, all the radiation was directed towards heavily scarred areas with heavy plaque. I know nothing about this I am just surmising.

Anyway, Johnny’s back!

Ice Free Global Warming

About 7 years ago I proposed that the carbon-dioxide model could not properly predict the effects of global warming. I went around to all the folks I knew and said the sky is falling a lot faster than you think maybe twenty times faster; maybe even faster than that.

Of course, they said I was crazy. How could I know (anything)? I had based my hypothesis on observation, simple math and the notion of a battery for storing energy. No I didn’t use a super computer, just a notebook, the kind you use a pencil with, and a lot of shoe leather, from Key West to Deadhorse, from Baja to Gander.

I’d like to say I’m pleased to be vindicated, and in a way I am, but, I am actually more frightened. I suspect any of you who are concerned about our existence have read the latest on Arctic ice…that based on anecdotal and direct evidence the Arctic ocean will be ice free by 2050…that the computer model was wrong. And it is still wrong. It is the wrong model.

I still would bet that the planet will be basically ice free in about 12 years. Sure there will be a lot of ice in Antarctica and Greenland, and there is some evidence that Siberia will be colder and drier, but, folks won’t be coming to Alaska to see glaciers.

What’s frightening is dogma, scary religious dogma by the very scientists who we need to rely on. We need to find a solution to our problem quickly: a dramatic solution. Or, we can allow the planet to provide a dramatic solution, the one that resembles the raging fever and the dying bacteria.

We need to recognize that there is no “green” in burning. We can not burn our way out of this no matter how “clean” the fuel. We also must release the stored energy in our dammed rivers. We MUST stop consuming for its own gratification, not just the fuel at the pump, but also the goods and products produced by fire, shipped by fire, packaged by fire, even cooled by fire. Then in about 300 years we might see a turn around.

So this is what happened

About the pig glands and why I haven't reported.

I hadn't mentioned that I took a fall on my studio steps just before Christmas. It was a very bad fall that had me shoot out about 4 feet, so, that I landed 6 feet down the stairs; pelvis and sacrum right on the tread edge. Oweee!

My back has been a mess since I blew a disc out in '86. Its now bone on bone at L5-S1 and the fall and the little fractures didn't help at all. But aside from having a really black bruise covering my butt and most of my back it wasn't all that bad. So, when the swelling and bruise subsided in January I went to take my trip to the doctor. Down the Alaska Highway and there I was.

Things went along swimmingly for quite awhile, even got back from Monterrey to Espanola and wrote the little piece about the trip. Then I decided to get some dental work done in Juarez.

Now Juarez is only about 360 miles from Espanola. Shouldn't matter much to someone who has driven 7500 miles in the last two weeks but....

I had the tooth pulled and a temporary bridge put in. Wonderful dentists. A whole team worked on me father, two daughters, and the periodontist. And, they scheduled appointments for two days next week to fit and install the permanent bridge.

I get back to Espanola for a couple of days. Now, nothing ever seems simple with me, including: why did my back go out? Was it the now more than 8000 miles? or?....

I was taking Dalacin C for the bone infection and B12 injections for the pig thing. Anyway, I take my last B12 and a few minutes later it seems every muscle in my body cramps and my joints ache like crazy. About an hour later I'm going down the steps and my pelvis tweaks about 1/2" down and forward on the left, at least thats what shows on the xray. What's ever left of the l5 disk goes crazy and the lowerback muscles go into spasm and within an hour both sciatic nerves are whacked out.

Its pretty late at night so I drive myself to the emergency room. The doctor sends me home with some percacets and valium. She says I need more but since I brought myself over too bad.
So I go back to J.D.'s. The medication doesn't do squat. At 3:00a I wake J.D. and ask him to take me to the hospital. Morphine and Flexerol injections and some peace for an hour or two. This is pretty much the last thing I remember from February 9 'till the 17th. Lucky me in a way, I was in hell.

I know we went back to Juarez and they finished my bridge and I remember a torture chamber and Mexican women with hot oil pounding and kneeding my muscles, I briefly remember seeing the sign for the hospital in Las Cruces. I don't recall Julie coming or the flight to Alaska or even the ride home from the airport.

Fentanyl, 80 times more powerful than morphine does that. It screws up the memory. Its a lipid binder and certainly works for pain but the price....

The thing to expose or mention about all this, despite the xrays, ct scans, 6 hospitals, and 6 doctors (7 if you count my doctor in Alaska), even the chiropractor in Espanola: the only real examination was done by the accupuncturist! That's right, he was the only one to actually look at the problem and diagnose correctly the situation and recommend I get home immediately for treatment. I wish I remembered it.

Back to the pigs.....

Well my blood pressure is stable at 125/80 without medication, not great, but not bad for a 55 year old guy still in pain. My glucose meter broke...but I'm on my way to the P.O. to get the new one...I'll let you know what it says.

So my glucose seems stable at 98...that is not diabetic! Guess them piggies are workin'!

My Trip to the Doctor: 6000 miles Give or Take

My Trip to the Doctor: 6000 miles Give or Take

It is a long sleep inducing trip from Espanola to Brownsville. Its a bit over a thousand miles of desert plains interrupted briefly by the hill country of San Antonio. Not too much to see; sage, scrub and oil wells, then, flat muddy fields stretching hundreds of miles. It is the cleansing purgatory leading to a Mexican salvation 6000 miles from home.

What I am after might be construed crazy, a “quack” procedure to cure my various endocrinological ills including a diagnoses of diabetes which I am convinced is a symptom and not the disease. So, I am off to a tiny village located near Jimenez, Tamaulipas with my good buddy J.D., where a doctor does this operation. I suspect it is not legal and certainly not approved by the medical association. The doctor was “run out” of Juarez.

It is evident that there is something fishy. I travel miles off the main road, then on to several turning mud streets each with a few hovels and pig pens, then to the “house” which doesn’t really fit the neighborhood, cracked pink stucco and with a second story, except that it appears abandoned. No one is there when we arrive. I feel like I have come to a 1950's abortionist. I’m not frightened but I’m not normal.

It turns out we are early. The doctor’s daughter is off getting the piglets (that is neo-natal pigs) that will be sacrificed for my health. She arrives about an hour later in a broke down Ford pickup with a friend who stays awhile because the truck won’t start up again. The doctor is elsewhere and sends a young assistant who also claims to be a doctor.

The procedure itself is quite simple. The two piglets are slaughtered and their skulls cracked open. Their pituitary and hypothalamus glands which resemble white and pink BB’s are removed and washed. The doctor makes about a half inch long incision and inserts the four “BB’s” sub-dermicly, just beneath the skin but above muscle, in the upper arm. Two stitches, five hundred-fifty dollars and it is done.

So you say it sounds weird; I thought so too. Certainly there was a lot of anecdotal evidence to the procedure being effective. Several folks swore that it had changed their lives, to me though that simply meant that the procedure hadn’t had any negative effects or rejection problems. After all, and I do believe the saying, ‘that there is no greater proponent for the quack than his patients’. So I researched what might be happening if it does work.

The first thing one comes up with is that the preferred medication for thyroid ailments is simply dried and ground, “desiccated”, neo-natal pig glands! And of course synthetic insulin is derived from pigs and several other hormonal treatments, like those for adrenal problems, as well. Could fresh be better?

Another thing one finds is that the procedure is not new, the Chinese have been doing it for sometime now and the Mexicans for about thirty years. There is also some evidence that the Mayo Clinic has also done some experiments with this but I couldn’t find any documentation.

Though, no one would tell me exactly what they thought was going on (and I wouldn’t have understood anyway, my Spanish is non-existent), this is what I think is going on:
The pituitary and hypothalamus are the “system masters” for the whole endocrine system and most hormone creation/secretion. Pig and human glands and hormones at this level are remarkably similar. I think that the inserted glands encapsulate like a cyst between the skin and the muscle and are stimulated by the same hormones that stimulate our own glands and similarly release minuscule quantities of hormones acting like a “booster” to our own endocrine system until they finally dissolve about 5 years later. This is no different than a super long term “patch” that might be administered for birth-control or some of the new insulin administration techniques. It just might work.

It has been a week and frankly I think its working. Actually, the first day I noticed that my eye sight seemed to have cleared. My blood sugars are also near normal though my energy levels (what I had hoped to cure) seem about the same. The doctor said it takes 90 days to become fully effective, maybe I’m rushing it. Though even now it looks like about 6000 dollars a year in medications won’t be needed anymore.

Hypothetical 4 -Aspartame Sweet Death?

I’ve never met a person who drank “diet” soda who was loosing weight: in fact, the opposite. Not only does obesity seem to be on a rampage but diabetes as well. The commonality might be aspartame. Anyway, this is the basis for my hypothetical and it would be ironic if proven in that aspartame is considered an element in the treatment of diabetes.

Aspartame has three basic components, phenylalanine, aspartic acid and methanol all three are neurotoxins and appear to cross the brain/blood barrier. This “excitotoxin” concern and resulting cancers and Alzheimer’s is the basis of most study. All three can pass directly through the stomach into the blood stream as well. Phenylalanine is an essential amino acid one of its uses is in the production of peptides in the pancreas. It is similar to and metabolizes to tyrosine with the addition of a hydroxyl tail. Aspartic acid is also one of the 20 essential amino acids and is used by the body in glucose production during gluconeogenesis primarily in the liver, though mitochondrial gluconeogenesis occurs in certain cases including diabetics. Methanol is an indirect toxin which breaks down into formic acid and formaldehyde. In addition to the toxicity, formaldehyde causes proteins to irreversibly bind to and adulterate DNA, a probable cause of cancer in the US and a known cause of cancer to the rest of the world. All three are “natural” ingredients found in most food sources, though methanol is not found naturally without mitigating ethanol present.

Curiously, aspartame, being a series of amino acids and methyl alcohol that are relatively common and of known toxicity (especially toxic overtime), studies are extremely rare and secretive. We do know that the FDA originally did not wish this product approved and much has been written about the flawed process that brought it to market (Talk about conspiracies! You’d almost think Don Rumsfeld pushed it to destroy Cuba’s economy??). The studies that exist appear to concentrate on cancer and brain chemistry. I believe that more studies need to concentrate on gastrointestinal, specifically, pancreas/duodenal effects of aspartame and its by-products. It is this chemical relationship that maybe the issue with the current epidemics.

In general manufacturers of these sweeteners say the quantities and concentrations used are so small as to be inconsequential. To this I would say, first, the sweeteners work, that is you actually think you are consuming six tablespoons of sugar in your sixteen ounce soda, second, when dealing with amino acids and proteins a little goes a long way. New exenatide drugs used to combat diabetes use injections of .02 ml or 1/3 of the .06 ml of aspartame claimed to be in a serving of diet soda. So I would presume the quantity arguments are simply romantic interpretations for the uneducated.

Another issue of safety is the “naturalness” and therefore obvious safety of the products. Most poisons are natural, radiation is natural, nature is far from harmless, though it is totally unaffected. Phenylalanine is an essential amino acid and found in proteins produced by plants. Phenylalanine is not produced by animals but is acquired by ingestion. An argument for the safety of aspartame is that eating any protein food would have a person ingesting hundreds of times the phenylalanine found in the artificially sweetener. I think this is a poor argument; it does not take into account what is required to isolate the phenylalanine from the protein if indeed the protein is metabolized to that degree nor where in the digestive process that isolation occurs, the safe guards present at that point, and the body’s purpose for that isolation. Conversely, we do know that radioactive iodine l-phenylalanine is used in cancer treatment of the pancreas because it enters the blood stream directly and is absorbed immediately by the pancreas. Phenylalanine absorption by the pancreas appears to be part of the glucose cycle, in that, from what I have read phenylalanine enters the blood stream after proteins in the duodenum are broken down. The phenylalanine is then picked up by the pancreas where it is quantified resulting in more or less insulin and prephenate enzymes as the digestive process continues. However, in the case of aspartame the amino acids are already “digested” and bypass the digestive system. In electricity this would be called a short circuit.

While phenylalanine is disrupting the pancreas, in this hypothesis, aspartic acid maybe rampaging at the liver and possibly at the cellular level in the mitochondria. I would propose that the quantities of free aspartic acid may signal starvation, flooding the system with glucose and disregarding normal gastro-intestinal signals, another short-circuit.

For some who have genetic dietary requirements this over excitement of the pancreas and liver might result in Type II diabetes. It may not be so much flawed genetics that presupposes certain flavors of diabetes but simply that the genes can’t stand up to the punishment. Type II diabetes covers a number of ailments but in general it is not insulin production but insulin tolerance that is the problem with glucose levels. The possibility of aspartame poisoning contributing to diabetic conditions certainly seems logical within my very limited understanding of chemistry and experience with pre-diabetes and diet soda.

Hypothetical #3 Global Warming, Man and Water

Hypothetical #3 Global Warming, Man and Water

I have no doubt that human activities contribute to global warming. I have personally and anecdotally observed local warming trends from the Keys of Florida to the Northwest Arctic, from Mazatlan to Gander, Australia to Chukotka and from sea level to nearly 14,000 feet. But the numbers are huge and unwieldy and proofs have yet to be seen; not that of warming, but of man’s causal relation to that warming.

I think one of the problems may be that we are looking to the wrong place. Because we burn stuff and create some 9 billion tonnes of carbon dioxide each year and graphs seem to show a correlation between CO2 and warming trends science seems to favor this as the cause. A few years ago it was deforestation of the Amazon basin and lack of winter snow cover. Probably all are contributors.

I was high in the Sierras one summer contemplating water as kinetic and thermal energy storage when the question popped out…Where is the battery for global warming? The difficulty with the CO2 model is that the infra-red reflectivity required for the model to work really requires clouds of dry-ice, like those experiments from 7th grade. It also seems to suffer from some reality problems, in that CO2 quantities are predictive in current atmospheric models as compared to actual quantities in ice core samples. The ice core samples also presume a homogeneous atmosphere rather than the climatic soup we are familiar with. Also, 9 billion tonnes a year from human sources seems like a lot, especially if you think ozone and sulfurous haze over Denver is what science is talking about, but compared to natural sources for CO2 , it is a fractional percentage. When those numbers are compared to the vast increase in biomass in the northern hemisphere, some estimates are close to 10 trillion tonnes of new growth, direct CO2 contributions to global warming seem slight. The atmosphere is also a crummy place for storing energy.

I would be the first to agree that the natural system is so complex and may be so delicate that these changes in atmosphere could indeed create the problems we see but I think there is a more insidious and counter intuitive man-made cause and that is: water works. For several thousand years we have slowly been altering the water-cycle, slowing it down and adding vast amounts of solar energy to it. I believe enough to change the balance of nature.

Today, every major river and most minor rivers and steams have been dammed, channeled and “tamed” producing solar energy “batteries” of trillions and trillions of kilo-calories of solar energy. Curiously, in northern climates these batteries are self-insulating. It is true that the fresh water part of the water cycle is just a drop in the bucket but compared to atmospheric mass it is actually significant.

This warm water has also helped warm the oceans, warmed the atmosphere, and created more “warm” biomass. It has converted “kinetic” water in glaciers, ice caps and mountain snows into more “thermal” water. Irrigation for instance is not benign; it enhances solar thermal absorption through evaporation. Similarly, we also take “kinetic” water in thermally stable aquifers and “heat” it by bringing it to the surface. As a final measure more than 90% of our energy use is involved in heating water, even non-fossil fuel sources like nuclear energy. Did you know that in your car more energy is used in heating water than in producing motion? Thermal maps of our coast show the impact of human induced warming of our oceans.

But it is probably the lakes that are the biggest change. Without a lot of help I can’t provide the numbers but here is a mental picture of just one man- made battery. At one time the Colorado River passed through Boulder Canyon. It was fast moving, a couple hundred yards wide at best and a few feet deep. It probably gave off more energy than it absorbed. Even in the middle of the desert it was really a mountain stream, clear and cold. Today at Lake Mead it is a dark deep energy sink absorbing daily billions and billions of kilo-calories of solar energy. The evaporation from the lake is millions of times greater than the historic river further disrupting the water cycle. When the hot salty remains of the Colorado reach the Sea of Cortez it further heats rather than cools the ocean. Evaporation from the heated ocean is greater as the warmed air can hold more moisture in raised saturation points and the temperatures of the entire cycle are increased. The denser atmosphere does not cycle as readily to higher levels and less energy is released to space.

I believe that human disruption of the “water-cycle” is large enough to create the kind of changes we see. It even contributes to the “greenhouse” effect in that water is a “greenhouse” gas only slightly less reflective than carbon-dioxide. This new cycle would be enhanced by carbon-dioxide in the creation of more biomass. The biomass “frees” more water and the temperatures of the entire cycle are increased.

If I am correct in this assumption the atmospheric temperatures will increase at a substantially faster rate than the CO2 model. I think we are seeing that already. In 1999 when I proposed this idea the CO2 folks model showed global temperatures significantly less than they are today. It is still my contention that substantive change will occur in years not the decades they propose.

The cure is just as hard to swallow, maybe harder because we have always assumed clean and benign with water, as giving up burning. I think results would be quicker, maybe only a generation or two to cool the planet if we blew up all the dams, stopped irrigation and pumping the aquifers.

One benefit might be a whole lot less people running around.

Hypothetical #2 Against Mathematical Certainty

Universe, Mathematics and Physics

To even postulate on this subject requires acceptance of the veracity of certain "givens" that I am not certain are true at all.

The first is the presumption that this is a "physical" universe: it may be a meta-physical one.

The second is "universe", what a strange, meaningless term. This term is as anthro-centristic and self limiting as most explanations of existence.

The third is "mathematical certainty" upon which I base my contra contention.

It is my contention that mathematics, that language constructed to describe the physical universe (universe being a mathematical construct) may be hopelessly faulty. It is like most special languages constructed for the perpetuity of various professions and presumes to hold some, or in this case, all innate truths. Each profession holds its own special language and truths, chemistry, engineering, music or even the language of the medical or legal worlds. For mathematics that truth is the constants and laws that it applies to itself and those it applies to the physical universe.

The difficulty with accepting the constant nature of mathematics is that we must observe two things in this universe that are purely alike, or purely different if you chose, not just similar or disimilar. That is, absolutely equal not predictively equal. So far that has not been done. It may be harmful that mathematical descriptions appear to cover gross generalities, equalities, and balances of our existence. It is also a problem that the notions of proof used in mathematics are a somewhat circular argument in that to be valid the prescibed rules of the language must be followed. You can not form a mathematical proof outside of mathematics.

Logically, if the language can not be validated by observing the two purely identical existences necessary to prove the languages own notion of constant or "truth" and proofs must be limited to what may be an erroneous presumption of language; we should presume that mathematics is a faulty tool. It may like a wrench of the wrong size still loosen the bolt but at the same time cause irreparable harm to the construction.

In order to create our destiny we may need to invent a new language. This may be extremely difficult. Those that protect the sanctity of the status quo will try to belittle us or kill us. But we, our species, may die anyway if we continue down this path if we are trying to prove ourselves against the wrong model.

To me the issue is our idea of technology which is based on this mathematical model. This form of technology may actually be our demise rather than our savior, a bright lure in a bubbling stream. We need a new alternative and more precise language than mathematics to test the validity of the mathematical model and assure future generations.

Off Balance

At a time towards the end
but not nearly the end
of the last century
In the way life time is measured
two still excitable
but not quite young men
sat in the bright but dusty Ear Inn
known for its beats and poetry,
It was a Stairway to Heaven certainly,
that filled in between raucous chorus
at the moment my crayons drew
the new altar
and the new god
and, yes,
the scene filled with
acolytes and priests,
such as you and I,
in bright primary colors
and waxy black.

While you could believe,
all I perceived,
was religiosity
not mathematical certainty.
Not willing to fall upon my dagger
but doomed to be defrocked
for failure to recite the mantra.
I suspected mathematics
deals in great generalities
not in precisions and facts
And if the universe
is not meta-physical?
Then the physical has no constant
simply predictive equality
nothing proven Absolutely,
as needs be,
neither you nor I,
not dull colors or white,
not even purest black

Are we all idiots?

Whenever I hear our dear president speak I think about Lincoln and his foolin' folks. Now, here is one of the ideas being run around that has got to have the oil companies smilin' and sure has the "greenies" fooled.

First, farming is the most energy intensive of all the industries. Farmers burn and chemically use more oil than anybody else. Oil runs tractors and combines, heats kilns and water, and makes the pestisides and lubricants. Oil fuels the transports that bring food to market and seed and feed back to the farmer. Oil even packages our food and is used these days to make the feed bags.

Now the oil industry wants us to "grow" our fuel? Is this ridiculous? Somebodies perpetual motion machine?

The other weird thing I heard was that somehow these non-fossil fuels were "green". Now don't get me wrong if we have to burn stuff I think burnin' french fry oil from McD's or fish heads from the cannining plant is well and good...but if those that say CO2 is the #1 "greenhouse" gas are correct; you are probably gonna get even more CO2 burnin' less efficient fuels. That is, where there is fire there is smoke, to reverse an old adage.

Stop using burning as the method of generating energy if you want to stop CO2 as a greenhouse gas...from a global stand point Willie and George there isn't anything "green" about "bio-diesel" or ethanol in fact it may be the opposite, except the "green backs" for certain constituents.

Another try...

It is the six month anniversary of my last rejection for a grant from the Rasmuson Foundation. I am a firm believer that art like gold is where you find it. But I continue to mine this hole regardless.

Anyway...here is my idea for this terms bi-annual rejection...here cruel world:

Title: Barista!
Project Type: photographic essay

The coffee ritual in Alaska has transcended the mundane and become art. It may be because we have longer and shorter days or perhaps more emotional vampires than other locales, but, I believe truth is because the under-class, composed primarily of young single woman who have chosen this profession, have made it “full of art”.

Not so dissimilar to the mythical geisha of Japan, though success is based on raw talent rather than elaborate training and tradition, the Alaskan Barista fills a social and cultural need without which I truly believe Alaskan society would stumble. Obviously, it is not the coffee, a staple available in one’s home, nor the curious and quaint huts and shops, perhaps artistic and worthy of study like the “Doors of San Francisco”, but like those doors, if they could be opened and blossom, would allow the flowing fragrant souls behind them to be seen. We would have a truly valuable insight into the ceremony of daily life. It is the same with the trailers of joe: the enacted sacrament.

We know that the art is no more the java than to a Japanese tea, rather, it is the control and gift of the interaction between patron and patroness. In this project I capture that moment of emotion that our danzarina has tailored for that particular client that leaps across the bar or out the sliding window and fills the brief encounter, much as Mozart fills a measure or Gauguin fills a brush.

As a photographer, my art is indeed secondary, but like grand Henri, to chronicle artistically the artistic interaction (and I have chosen M. de Toulouse Lautrec specifically because the subjects and issues are so related and the faces nearly of the same family!) that a meta-art of intertwining beauty is created.

Infinity, Chaos, Randomness,and, of course, Ignorance

My first hypothetical, the one that has been driving me crazy since childhood is:

Infinity, Chaos, and Randomness

It is my contention that these do not exist except as markers of ignorance, and, that is their only value. In essence, as understanding increases the bounds of infinity are moved to new borders of superstition. There aren’t an infinite number of grains of sand on the beach at Genoa, nor, an infinite number of stars and, doubtfully, an infinite number of angels on the head of a pin.

To accept any of these concepts as mathematical certainties converts the law of “cause and effect”, to theory. Thus, it should be unacceptable in practice in Newtonian, Einsteinian or quantum physics, to refer to these concepts as other than place holders. Only in certain irrational numbers such as Pi is infinity observable in the natural universe and even here intuition holds that a culminating number exists; since we continue to search for it.

Similarly, chaos and randomness can not be observed in nature, rather systems are invariably proven to be sequential results of cause regardless of size or scale, though we may choose to call them random or chaotic for convenience. This may be a disservice to both current and future inquisitors in that accepting such convenience may preclude or ignore reality delaying truth: as in accepting the will of God precluded finding a cause and therefore a cure for Black Death.

What I am gonna do....

I have wondered how to make use of my “blog” and have come up with the notion of publishing my hypothesis.

Now for those of you who don’t know what a hypotheses is…well it’s an unproven argument based on logic or an observation. It is not a theory but all theories start with a hypothesis to which is added a little bit of proof.

Best, a hypotheses is like magic in that they begin with wonder, or that is, I wonder?

I have a lot of hypothetical questions that rattle around in my mind. I can never answer them. But what, like the alchemist of past days, no one else knows the question exists? With out question the path to discovery never begins.

So I’m going to throw these notions out on the world and hope the Stephen Hawking or some other player with the universal balls of string will answer these arguments. At least come forth and tell me why they are silly so that my brain could be put to more useful purposes like weeding carrots in the Matanuska soil.

Your New Year

I don't know why but January 1st has never been my New Year. I vacillate between Solstice and St. Stephen's day, depending on my mood, as the beginning of the next year. It is a sign of my Age that I even know what St. Stephen's day is, or my view of the language that it has nothing to do with boxing though a goodly number of English speakers would disagree.

My New Year's greeting for December 22 this year and your New Year this day:

The bent shoulders of sacred Matanuska
seem relieved of trial and tribulation
as they begin to glow
first bloody red
then bolder and golden
in the auspicious first light
of our sun’s northern new year
That moment in the revolution
most filled with promise and prospect
where the expression of time
past, fleeting, and to be
is re-equated in the glory of it all
Hearts beat anticipation
not regarding the eons
that visited the mountain
with new light

And so our friends and loves
…and your friends and loves too
…and most especially those not befriended
and perhaps unaware of love
It is our deepest desire
that the light finds you,
peace and understanding
furthers our kind,
that potentates, prophets, and rulers
bend and bow to love and truth,
disarm their warriors,
refuse evil ways
and trade their unwise power for prosperity and charity
for all the worlds
with new light

Love to all,

Truth?

I have lived most of my life in tiny villages. Yes, I was born in a major city and spent 5 years in the heart of Manhattan but most of my time has been in little places like Embudo, New Mexico or Nichols, New York or Cockeysville, Maryland. I have also a few years in larger towns like Kotzebue, Alaska. I only bring this up because of vetting, to let you know I have experienced and may be an expert on the issues I have witnessed.

The concern is, "What is truth?" It is certainly not immutable, at least not where people are involved. It does seem to have something to do with perceived reality, belief, and trust and little to do with proof or knowlege.

The First Entry

I doubt I have the determination to keep this up...but here goes.

It is a chilly day, about 20F. I just read where Seth Kantner was awarded $40K for his work. I'm pleased for him though slightly jealous. I am absolutely positive that I am a better writer, of course I will need to write before I can make a true comparison.

The writing thing has kinda been on a boulder strewn road lately. I still haven't quite decided what to make of the response to Definitive Guide to Kotzebue. The young woman who was at the center of my fame has not, as of yet, ever written me directly though she does make disparaging personal comments, calling me lazy, or "technically white" and stuff like that, and presumes she knows me....though I don't believe we've met. I suspect James supplied the misinformation to keep up the story.

And that brings the thoughts around the circle. James Mason certainly deserves some recognition at least as much as Seth. I can't imagine how difficult his job must be writing a newspaper where the truth is not politically correct. His photography seems to suffer there too.
And I think it is the "truth" thing that effects it. Look at his Bosnian and Yugoslavian work and compare it to the girl's basketball shots of today. Grizzly shots of suicides, child abuse, headless walrus and the like certainly would cost him his job. Seth, I envy his luck, James, I envy his talent and am saddened by his situation, assuredly of his own making.

I understand being ham-strung by politics of place or association. It is an excuse I use frequently to avoid writing or to hide in poetry. I hope I get over it and get back to the grind and get something done then I can righteously complain about Seth's good fortune.

Congratulations Seth!

At first there were none...

It is ALL Bill's fault!